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KnifeHand: the iOS Game for Marines Standing By to Stand By

Listen up Marines: sit, kneel, bend, or do whatever you have to do to keep yourselves awake for this brief, because it pertains to that rampant boredom naturally overcomes every single one of you after hours upon hours of standing by to stand by.  Just recently I came across a new iOS game developer – a former Marine – who makes iPhone games specifically for us.  The game development company’s name is SgtBit, and the game I present to SQ Company, 1st Civ Div is KnifeHand: an addicting, but simple side scrolling platform runner in which you run across mud rooftops in Afghanistanimationland in nothing but skivvies, police calling as much as you can along the way while avoiding NJP’s and some guy named Jody (creator’s name, perhaps?).  Can you beat my high score? Probably not; more details and the official SQ KnifeHand High Score challenge below!

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Funniest Duke Nukem Forever Review Ever

We’ve all played crappy video games at one point or another in our lives, and hopefully we didn’t lose too much money – not just by the game itself, but via broken controllers, etc – in the painful process.  Duke Nukem Forever, released in 2011 and took only 15 years to make, promised to be the long-awaited sequel that Nukem fans had been craving for since Duke Nukem 3D became the “it” game in 1996.  While I never played Duke Nukem Forever, I did play its predecessor, and I remember really enjoying it – especially the hilarious one-liners that you really couldn’t find in any other game or genre at the time.  In the spirit of humorous one-liners then, it is appropriate that we feature arguably the funniest Duke Nukem Forever review that has graced the Internet, as this is short, not-so-sweet and directly to the damning point.  Hit the link below and enjoy.

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iOS Games We Like: Wayward Souls

So while Tebo wanted a new Soulblazer (who doesn’t?), I did come across quite possibly the next best thing: Wayward Souls.  If you’ve got an iPhone, have a borderline obsessive affinity for SNES-era action RPGs, and/or just looking for a great new iOS game, then look no further than Wayward Souls.  Seriously.  Direct your mouse to the link below for our full game review!

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We Want a New Soulblazer

Ah junior high. And bad graphics. And short swords that were supposed to be longer but weren’t. We’re not talking Lagoon here (although that game isn’t far off – the sword in that game was shorter than a toothpick and about as strong). We’re talking about Soulblazer. Time for some retro lovin’.

Soulblazer, for SNES, was the kind of game you’d play when you told your parents you’d be home in 15 minutes. 30 minutes later, you start questioning what was worse, giving up Soulblazer at your friend’s house, or just taking a larger punishment. Normally, the punishment prevailed.

However, now that we’re older (31, but who’s counting?), we want a remake! A no-joke, fully revamped map, fun but devilishly easy combat system, and more runes to collect. And that ball of light that surrounded us? We want him to. He can always come. He brings the party. Continue reading “We Want a New Soulblazer”

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Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!

Alright, confession time. I haven’t had this big of a guilty pleasure since I downloaded Miley Cirus’ The Climb back in 2009 (Which I played over Ventrillo during WoW raid bosses to aggravate the hell out of our main healer). At leas that’s what I keep telling myself…

But Borderlands? Keep it coming! This franchise is fun, addicting, and I don’t feel guilty when I walk away from it for a month. I loved Skyrim; I will always love Skyrim. But take a a couple weeks off and I had no clue what I was doing, or who I was supposed to sacrifice someone to, or what skill I was building.

Set to debut sometime in late 2014, Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel takes place before the storyline of the original in the series, and focuses mainly on Handsome Jack and his own personal bag of problems.  Continue reading “Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!”

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Call of Duty Advanced Warfare Official Reveal Trailer

Drop what you’re doing, and tell your notional secretary to hold all your calls for the next three minutes: the official Call of Duty Advanced Warfare reveal trailer has been released, and we have the intense video for you right here at SQ!  Just look up – literally, maybe like two centimeters – and hit play.  If you hear Kevin Spacey’s voice then you did everything correctly; if not, well, I’m not sure what to tell you.  As a big Call of Duty fan – especially of the earlier Modern Warfare series – I am pumped for Advanced Warfare! As always more after the jump – enjoy the CoD reveal trailer!

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SQ Favorite: Breath of Fire 3

Some games are better than others. Some games are a lot better than others. Then some games put other games to shame. Breath of Fire 3 put every Breath of Fire release after to shame. They should have stopped at the pinnacle.

For example, you can turn into a dragon. All it takes is some magic points. Now, you have to find “Dragon Genes” and mix and splice them together, and that was a fun process, but all you had to do was click some buttons and voila: dragon.

But nooooo, not for the later games. BoF 4 was ok, but by the fifth installment, the game designers thought, “Hey, let’s make a game about a boy who learns he’s a dragon, but he comes closer and closer to killing himself every time he shifts into dragon form.” Seriously, every time he turns into a dragon his “dragon counter” increases. Not to mention every ten minutes or so of game time he goes up a bit too. *Sigh*.

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Warlords of Draenor: The Upcoming World of Warcraft XPac

Sometime in the fall 0f 2014, World of Warcraft players and aficionados get to explore new territories, rewrite history, and smack the hell out of each other all over again.

Warlords of Draenor sees players revisiting the Dark Portal and heading into what used to be called Outland. Or as I think the less lore-ridden people noticed it: space. Okay, Nagrand looked like Super Mario Bros. level 1-3 on steroids, Netherstorm was clearly the moon. Don’t agree? Leave it in the comments so I know who you are.

This xpac features new content with a pre-order bonus of a free level 90 character boost. Not sure if it’s worth the pre-order, but if you’re going to play it, might as well take the free stuff along the way. Continue reading “Warlords of Draenor: The Upcoming World of Warcraft XPac”

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World of Warcraft Wishlist

Remember Robin Williams’ rendition of the Genie from Aladdin? That was a great cast back in 1992. “Genie, wake up and smell the hummus!”

Well we’re alive and out of the lamp, so here’s our current WoW wish list.

First wish: Inta-queue for multiple toons. For example, if I’m in LFR queue on my pally, I should be able to queue as my mage or warlock. Because some queues are cresting an hour, and I may not want to kill an hour on my mage, but I may want to raid with him. What a great way to reward players who have sunk in that much time to multiple toons.

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iOS Games We Like: Monument Valley

Monument Valley for iOS is a game we definitely like! SlightlyQualified.com

Have you ever felt a little overwhelmed with the ridiculous amount of volume in the Apple App Store when searching for a new go-to iOS game?  You aren’t alone – there are countless rehashes of essentially the exact same game, whether it’s a running side-scroller title or name-the-new-RTS game, they are basically the same old thing under a different coat of paint.  Once you jump into it the new paint begins to fade and boredom sets in; minutes or hours later the game is deleted, and it will probably be even longer until you visit the store for yet another fruitless search.  That’s where SQ comes in: we weed through the metric truckloads of garbage apps to find you the best of the best – free and paid – so you can spend your hard-earned free time enjoying only the best high quality iOS games and apps.  Our latest gem just happens to be the iOS game of the week, and although the store’s “game of the week” doesn’t always impress, Monument Valley does.

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Diablo III: Reaper of Souls Week 1 Sales Tops 2.7 Million

Diablo 3 Reaper of Souls Sells a Whopping 2.7 Million Units in Week 1 - SlightlyQualified.com

Many game publishers would be thrilled after selling 2.7 million copies of their latest title in a month, but Blizzard is not your average video game publisher.  In their latest press release, Blizzard announced some impressive week one sales for their first Diablo III expansion pack, Reaper of Souls, with sales topping an incredible 2.7 million units.  As a proud owner of this excellent expansion pack myself, I couldn’t be happier, and I would argue that it is well-worth the somewhat steep asking price of $40.  That being said, let’s put on our business hats and see what kind of week one revenue the D3 division is staring at!  Hit the link below for the details!

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GameStop Ignores Reality, Plans for 300-400 More Stores

Has the retail onslaught that the likes of eBay and Amazon have brought forth over the last decade or so taught anything to the likes of big box retailers?  What about the fact that I can more easily, not to mention more conveniently purchase and download a new PS3 or PS4 game without even having to leave my fancy, fake-leather couch?  Market disruptions are nothing new, and new ideas and new technology has always forced agile businesses into pivots, whether they liked it or not.  Some companies however, still don’t seem to accept the reality of the market that is moving around them, and by some companies I mean GameStop.  Just recently – yesterday in fact – Paul Raines, GameStop’s Chief Executive Officer, announced “that the company plans that to open 300 to 400 retail locations which will have a focus outside of games”.  (SeekingAlpha, 28 March) Yeah, I’m scratching my head too – more brick and mortar overhead, and lots of it, but not to sell games.  Rather, these new store shelves will house smart phones and wearable technology products.  Still confused?  So am I.

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